


Of Mustard and Three Foot Purple Tongues

by P_Artsypants



Series: Of Mustard and Three Foot Purple Tongues [2]
Category: Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Drabble Collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 22:17:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16585292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P_Artsypants/pseuds/P_Artsypants
Summary: A few short Drabbles focused around Robin and Starfire, of the romance, comedy, and angst variety.





	1. Of Mustard and Three Foot Purple Tongues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch time.

"Hey y'all! Time for grub!" The cybernetic teen shouted. Beast Boy paused his game, Raven bookmarked her book, and Starfire stuffed the coloring page she was scribbling on under the couch cushion, away from straying eyes.

The team assembled at the small island in the kitchen, a plate burgers sitting in the middle.

"Where is Robin?" The red head asked.

"I'll get him." Beast Boy smirked. He whipped out his communicator and pressed the connecting button. "This Beast Boy calling Robin, repeat, calling Robin! There is an emergency in the common room!"

After a moment of static, Robin's annoyed voice replied, "What is it Beast Boy?"

"The emergency is that Cyborg made food, specifically a tofu burger for me and that meat stuff for you...anyways, it's chow time and you're not here!"

"I've got a lot of work to do, besides, I'm not hungry." Suddenly, a distinct growl came over the intercom. A moment passed while the titans looked at each other. "I'll be there in a minute." He grumbled.  
It always amazed him when this kind of thing happened. He knew he would rather be in his cave, glaring at news clippings and pouring over information, but as soon as he stepped into the room, he never wanted to leave. The atmosphere was warm and friendly. The conversation was light and heart warming. It was comfortable. He loved it.

"'Bout time you showed up. You're starting to look as gray as Raven."

"I'm going to ignore that." She huffed as she cut her burger into smaller pieces.

"Robin! How wonderful it is to see you during this time of day! Will you not join us on the culinary delight of Cyborg's burgers of ham?"

He couldn't help but chuckle. "Alright. I guess I'll stay. My brain's fried anyways."

Beast Boy and Starfire high fived each other.

Taking a seat and grabbing a burger, Robin began preparing his meal. "So what have I missed?"

He asked as he looked for the mustard.

"I kicked Beast Boy's butt at Turbo Races ultimate race of doom."

"I witnessed the event, it was most exciting! Beast Boy got the...I believe the phrase is 'snot beaten out' of him."

"Nice." Robin concluded, finally finding the mustard in Star's clutches. Wordlessly, he asked for it, and she handed it over. "And you Raven?" He included.

"Finished Hunchback of Notre Dame, started King Lear."

"Hark! What light beyond yonder window breaks! Tis the east! And Raven is the sun!" Beast Boy quoted dramatically.

"Wrong play." Raven corrected outright.

"And besides Beast Boy, that line is said by Romeo, talking about Juliet...his lover."

Beast Boy spit out his almond milk. "Dddduuuudddeee! You want to make me barf?!"

Starfire chuckled and Raven gagged.

"Hey Robin, you got a huge smear of mustard, right here." Cyborg indicted at his own face, right next to his mouth.

"Oh, thanks Cy." He reached for a napkin.

At the word 'mustard' Starfire perked up and looked at her friend. Acting purely on reflexes, she shot her tongue out at him. After all, she couldn't let that yellow goodness go to waste! It smacked into Robin's cheek like a frog, and made a sloppy swipe across his face and partially over his lips. It shot back just as fast.

Starfire licked her lips in content.

Beast Boy bit his lip to keep from laughing.

Raven stared at the two in shock.

Cyborg gave a thumbs up. "You're clean."

Robin's reaction was probably the funniest of them all. He had a completely blank face, no expression, and then, his lips weakened into a goofy grin as he raised a hand to his cheek. He became jelly-like and melted on the floor.

Starfire didn't even notice.


	2. Wedding Chimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starfire has a dream.

It was the eve of her wedding. Starfire looked dismally into her reflection in the mirror. She looked radiant, but felt like the world as she knew it was coming to an end. In fact, it was. She couldn't be a Titan anymore, she was going to be the wife to...glerdelskletch. Ugh! She shivered. There had to be someway out. Robin would find a way.

At the thought of her dear friend, tears sprang to her eyes. She told him not to come to the wedding if he couldn't support her, now she was regretting it. She wished he could be there, just to tell her it would be alright.

She sighed. Well, it was now or never. Galfore was waiting for her at the door. As they made their way into the chapel, she noticed that something was missing. The groom to be. He was missing. Blackfire stood at the altar, looking angry.

"Sister...is there something wrong?"

Blackfire huffed. "Glerdelskletch chickened out. He won't be getting married today."

Starfire considerably brightened.

"But as Tamaran's grand ruler, I hereby decree that my sister, still marry."

"What?!" Starfire shouted indignantly.

"I have my reasons. Now gentlemen! Who will take the princess's hand in marriage?"

The men in the audience looked at each other a few of them even started to come forward.

The doors from the back of the chapel slammed open. "I will!" came a familiar shout. "I will marry her!"

Starfire turned, almost in dread to see who was making the proposal. To her upmost surprise, it was Robin, adorned in the colors of Tamaran, the wedding garb. She could only gape at him.

He strolled up beside her and took her hand. "I couldn't bear to lose you to anyone. You're my best friend Star, and I love you with all my heart. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Tears filled her eyes as she clasped his hand. "I love you too."

Blackfire looked royally pissed while Galfore looked in approval.

"So are you going to marry us or can I just kiss her already?" Robin asked, slyly.

Blackfire whirled her cape behind her and left the room, mumbling profanities as she went. After she left, Robin snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her against him.

"Well, looks like I got my answer." He smiled. He leaned in, closer, closer, almost so their lips were just barely touching.

*beep beep beep beep*

"Confounded traitorous device!" Starfire shouted as she woke up, hurling a Starbolt at her alarm clock. She sighed as she thought of her dream.

"Hmmm...Robin..." Oh what she would give if that had really happened!

She got up and brushed her hair. Her day was starting out sparring with Robin. A smile stretched onto her face. It may have been a dream, but she could still treasure it in her heart.


	3. Cleaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which artwork is found

It was the day the two titans dreaded most. The second Saturday of the month. Cleaning day. Sure, they had lived in the tower for almost two years now; they should be used to it. But they're teenagers for Pete's sake. The tower looked like hell had an auction. For a while, Robin had the team do their best to keep the tower ship shape on a weekly basis. Eventually, he lost sight of that dream and was happy with keeping the common room, lobby, and bathroom in livable conditions. He didn't care about their rooms. Thanks to Raven and Starfire cleaning on the first Saturday of the month, the tower stayed pretty spotless.

"Alright guys. I want to see the tower looking really good. Tomorrow, the Titans East are coming over."

"They aren't going to care what the place looks like."

"But I do. And if the whole place looks like a mess, I will not be happy."

"Okay! Okay..."

"You only have to worry about the ops room. Starfire and Raven have the lobby and hallways and I have the bathroom. Piece of cake, right?"

"Anything specific?" Cyborg asked.

"I made a short list." He handed over the sheet of paper, which unfolded a dozen times.

The two boys groaned.

"Oh relax, it won't take you very long." With a wave, he left the room.

"Dude, this is going to take forever!"

"If you keep whining about it, we'll never finish."

"I know, geez. You sound like Raven."

The day started out easy enough. The counters and tabletops needed to be wiped. Trashed needed to be taken out, etc. It was only when Beast Boy came across something when he was cleaning between the couch cushions.

"Dude, I found the mother load." He called Cyborg over.

"Whoa..." Was the teen's response. They grinned evilly at each other.

A few moments later, they claimed to be finished with their work.

"Did you finish everything on the list?"

"Yes sir!"

"Scrub the table? Vacuum the cushions?"

"Yes. Yes."

"Did the dishes? Threw out the moldy food?"

"Yes! Everything is finished! Gosh!"

"Fine then, let me just go take a look."

The two devils looked at each other in a half giggle. They met up with the girls in the hallway to the common room.

"Trust me Robby, you will be incredibly impressed."

"I'm sure I will."

They entered the room, and Robin halted on sight. Everywhere, plastered to everything were pages. Each one was a broad array of colors and designs. Robin's faces paled at the images in front of him. All in Starfire's distinct drawing style, hundreds of pictures filled with hearts, bunnies, Silkie, a few of the other titans, and lots and lots of Robin. Usually holding Starfire's hand or surrounded with hearts, or rainbows, and always with a big smile.

"Oh God..." He groaned putting a hand to his face.

"Friends! You have found my drawings! I merely wished to show them to you when I had finished!"

"Aww, sorry Star. This way the Titans East can see them when they come tomorrow!"

She rose a few inches in glee. "Glorious! I cannot wait until they see!"

"What do you think Rob? Don'tcha think that Star's pieces just...add to the decor?" Cyborg placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and waved his hand like he was putting on a display.

"I think I need an aspirin." He moaned.

"You do not like my art?"

He froze, there was absolutely no way for him to get out of this without hurting her feelings.

Well, there probably was, he just didn't feel like thinking through it.

"Star, you're pictures are masterpieces. I just have one question."

"Yes friend Robin?"

"Why am I the subject of the majority of them?"  
She wasn't even embarrassed. She simply threw her arms around him and raised him into the air. "Because you are my dearest and closest friend! And I want everyone to know how wonderful I feel when we're together!"

He was elated, glad to be able to make his friend happy, but dreading the torment to come. Besides, he could already hear Beast Boy and Cyborg choking on their laughter. But, why not? His ego could take it. I mean come on, this was Starfire, definitely the most beautiful Titan.

"I believe your pictures have served their purpose then." He smiled.

She squealed in delight and raised him even higher from the ground.

Yeah, it was worth it.


	4. Never Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin makes a mistake

_Never again._

Robin laid shaking, he couldn't recall where he was. He had been dragged there against his own accord. His boots had been removed, along with his cape, belt, gloves, communicator and even the 'R' on his chest. Of course Slade had known about the tracking device it contained.

It was the middle of winter. He was in a warehouse of sorts; his face laid against the cold cement, his blood decorated it.

"Given up yet?"

The answer should have been simple. After all, his hands were cuffed behind him. He was unable to fight back. Amazingly, the older mask had left his mask on. Evidently he didn't care enough to remove it.

"Well, answer me boy."

Robin whispered something incoherently.

"I can't hear you!" Slade shouted, stomping on his back.

Robin mumbled and stuttered, his voice never rose above a groan.

Slade mocked the pathetic noises he was making. "Oh dear, I think you may have a collapsed lung."

"...ssss-ss-sto-op..." He strained. "...p-p-ple...aasse.."

"Stop what? Oh, this?" Slade took Robin's bow staff that he held in his hand and bashed his head with it. That hit must had been the fiftieth, but Robin wasn't sure, he stopped counting.

Slade gripped his hair and made the boy look at him. "Tell me, does it hurt? Do you feel weak? Do you feel as if you've lost a fight? Or like you're worthless dirt, not worthy to be trampled on by mediocre men?"

Robin choked on bloody phlegm.

"Do you feel like you sense of wrong is right? Or do you feel like everything you've ever believed in has abandoned you?"

He clenched his eyes shut.

"Because it has." Slade dropped him on his face. "Someday, you'll understand. You'll see...you'll become..." The man stood and went towards the door. "Me." He looked back once at the boy lying in a heap. "Sleep tight, Robin." The door shut.

Robin raised his battered head. His black eye was bloody shot, and he could barely see out of it. His nose dripped with red, his teeth were yellowed from blood, and his lips were split and red. His breaths were labored and harsh. Despite all this, he still fought to go on.

He rolled backward, dislocating his shoulders so he could get his handcuffed arms in front, instead of trapped behind his back. He stood up slowly, taking a few steps and then stumbling to the ground.

He gripped the ground with his finger tips and pulled himself. It was only a few inches, but his muscles burned, his joints ached, and from his clenched teeth, a operose moan of agony. As he moved, his exertion was made evident by his sounds of constriction.

He made his way to the door where Slade had left, leaving a trail of blood in his wake. More moiling, he had gotten hold of the handle and pulled. The rusty chain outside taunted him. He swung his weight back, yanking hard on the handle. Only a creak and a jingle came from the restraints. Robin worked on them, not wanting to stick around to see what Slade would do next.

He felt himself slipping. Any moment now, he'd be done for from exhaustion. But just as soon as the thought scared him, the chain gave away, and he pushed forward to make his escape.

Snow. That's what awaited him, a snow covered field. There was no way Slade wouldn't be able to track him. It didn't matter, he just needed to leave. Now. He stood, a heavy stagger in his step, and a deep throbbing in his cracked skull. Dark, tumulus thoughts in his mind.

It felt like hours he had been moving. His feet would occasionally get tangled, causing him to trip, but he would get back to his feet and pressed on. He had to get home. Eventually, he made his way into town. It was late, but plenty of people still bustled about. He stumbled through crowds, people immediately retreating when they saw him. Mother's hurried their children along, men pretended he wasn't there. He felt like a curse among humanity.

His knees gave out and he fell harshly to the pavement. He coughed and sputtered. A sad attempt to get up was made, but it didn't follow through.

"Daddy, that's Robin. From TV." A little boy pulled on a man's coat a few steps away. "He needs help."

"I don't know if we should get involved." The man truly was concerned about his family's safety, not wanting what happened to the fallen hero to happen to his son.

"Daddy, he's saved the city billions of times. You owe him!"

The man sighed. His son was right. He crouched next to the teen, touching his bruised back. "What can I do to help?" He asked earnestly.

Robin made a sign like a phone and the man took out his cell. Robin punched in the number to Cyborg's arm and pressed send, handing it back to the man.

"Yo! This is a private number, how'd you get it?!"

"I-I found Robin." The man stumbled.

"Put him on." Cyborg stated gravely.

"I-I d-don't think he can...talk."

"Where are you?"

"On Hinchmen, by Urban Outfitters, um...the south side of town."

"Starfire's coming to get him. What condition is he in?"

"He's barely conscious, breathing hard...there's a lot of blood. If my son hadn't pointed him out, I wouldn't have known who he was."

A sigh came over the line. "Idiot. Well, keep an eye on him, she should be there soon."

"Yes, sir."

The teen hung up.

The little boy took a seat next to Robin. "Did you get in a fight with a really bad guy?"

Robin nodded.

"He won didn't he?"

Again, nod.

"But the titans will beat him next time. They'll beat his butt!" He exclaimed with a fist pump.

Robin smiled and rubbed his head.

A moment later, a green streak zipped across the sky, doing loops and circles before finally slowing down and coming in for a landing.

The younger teen barely touched the ground before she was running towards him, calling his name.

 _When a teammate is injured, stay calm. If an enemy is present, your goal is to take them out first. If people are present, you must not worry the civilians._  She slowed her run as she remembered one of Robin's lectures.

She kneeled next to him. "Can you hear me?"

He nodded.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

He made a quiet mutter of four. She held up only two.

"Let us get you medical attention." She reached her arms underneath him and lifted him gently. He leaned his head against her chest and let himself rest.

"Sir, what is your name? Robin will surely want to know it."

"Um, Jack Drake, and this is my son Tim."

"I will make sure he knows." She smiled and rose into the air.

Only when she was out of sight of the pedestrians did she allow herself to cry. She clutched the young man in her grasp. Never again would she allow him to go off and face Slade alone. No matter what he said, no matter how much he argued.

_Never again._


	5. Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starfire is scared

A crack of lightning stole across the sky as a peel of thunder shook the tower. Robin lay wide awake. Storms never bothered him, but it was what came with them. He could hear it from across the hall.

Starfire crying.

The walls were supposedly soundproof, but he must have just had super sonic hearing when it came to her. Most of the time, he would hear a short yelp and then she'd be done for the night, but tonight's storm was harsh and unforgiving. He heard her moans of torture fleeting across the door.

He found himself with no choice. He tossed on his mask, slippers and black robe. He tiptoed out of his room. Remaining quiet in case any other teammate was awake, he silently entered her passcode and slipped into her room.

Huddled in a corner, Starfire hide under a plethora of blankets, making her timid shaking form hard to find.

"Starfire?" He stood in front of her.

"Robin? Have I awakened you?" She stayed beneath her shelter.

"No." That was a lie. "What's up?"

"I am unaccustomed to the weather here and find the storms of thunder and lightning to be most unpleasant. I am also ashamed that, despite my background, and the fears I must face on a normal basis, I cannot get over this one." Then she realized she had spoken entirely too much. "But please friend, do not concern yourself, go back to slumbering."

Robin shook his head at her concern for his well being when it was her in pain. He took a seat next to her on the floor and pulled up some of the blankets.  
She let out a surprised 'eep' when she discovered he had joined her. He scooted so their sides touched, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She sighed in content and leaned her head against his shoulder.

Together, silently, they hid from the storm.


	6. Love, You Didn't Do Right By Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistletoe Mishap

Christmas Eve. Supposedly the happiest, most peaceful night of the year, but not so in Titans tower. Sure the kids looked calm enough, but a storm raged between two of them. Robin sat at one side of the couch, and Starfire sat at the opposite side. Not a word had been spoken since the incident.

The Titans East and a few others came for the annual Christmas Party at the tower. It seemed innocent enough, friends surrounding each other, gifts being passed around, food being shared. All around it was a nice simple evening.

Then the boys decided to team up against Jump's golden couple...Even though Robin and Starfire hadn't acknowledged their feelings for each other yet. The rest of the titans were tired of their obliviousness to each other, and decided to fix it.

It could have worked, it really should have worked, but some things were not factored in. Such as Robin's need for privacy. Anyway, they waited until the opportune moment, which was when Star and Rob were talking, set apart from the crowd. And to their luck, the ceiling lowered right above them.

Kid Flash zipped passed in a blink. The conversation between the two stopped. The boys giggled.

"What's the big idea?" Robin asked, miffed.

Speedy simply bit back a smile and pointed upwards.

Mistletoe.

Robin groaned, Starfire blushed.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" The chanting began.

Starfire looked to him, expectantly, her eyes waiting. She looked entirely too tempting. Robin shook his head.

"This is stupid. No way." He scoffed and walked off. He left Starfire standing by herself, and the audience in an awkward silence.

He was the one who was stupid. He sat sulking, stealing glances over to his best friend. Starfire looked at the screen the whole time, clutching a pillow to her chest.

They decided to watch 'White Christmas' to end the night. It wasn't Robin's idea, especially what happened when they watched 'Sound of Music'. Starfire had skipped and twirled around the tower, adorning things with edelweiss and singing 'The Hills are aaaaaaallllliiiiivvvveeeee!' For a full week. He was waiting to see what she'd do with this.

Starfire was not enjoying herself. She loved musicals, but for once, it hurt her instead.

 _Love, you didn't do right by me...You planned a romance that just hadn't a chance and I'm through_.

She sighed. A song that was written for her.

_Love, you didn't do right by me...I'm back on the shelf and I'm blaming myself, but it's you._

It wasn't her fault, none of it was.

_My one love affair didn't get anywhere from the start._

True. She had never even told him how she felt.

 _To send me a Joe who had winter and snow in his heart, Wasn't smart_.

A perfect description.

_Love, you didn't do right by me...As they say in the song, you done me wrong._

Again she sighed. It just wasn't fair.

She watched the rest of the movie without complaint, happy that Bob and Betty got together despite the grave misunderstanding between them. When it was time to go to bed, she went up to the roof instead.

Robin followed her, but stayed hidden in the shadows. She sat upon the edge, her hair swished around her in the wind. They lived in south California, there was no white Christmas.

He saw her tuck her knees up and bury her face into them. Then soft sobs rang in his ears. He felt awful. He had done that to her, and hurting her was the last thing on his mind when he...rejected her. He had to right some wrongs.

"Star, why are you crying? It's Christmas for Pete's sake!"

"I apologize, my sentiment for this season is not as strong as yours, as it is only my second one I have celebrated." She was quiet a long time. "I do not wish to tell you why I cry. Please, go inside. It is chilly out here."

"If it's about what happened earlier...I'm sorry."

She didn't reply.

"I mean...I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I didn't know...I thought you wouldn't care..."

"I would not care?!" She whipped around, surprising him. "Since when have I not cared about something that you have done?"

She made a point. "I...I don't know..."

Her lip quivered. "You are joe."

He was puzzled. "Excuse me?"

"You are the joe with winter and snow in his heart. You are cold and you can not even tell when someone loves you!" She clapped her hand over her mouth and shut her eyes tight. Then she turned her back on him.

It was as he had dreaded and feared. Now he just had to figure out how to remedy the situation. Should he sing? Fight a song with a song. Nah, too lame.

He looked at the girl, her shaking shoulders, her closed off form. He knew exactly what to do.

A few steps and his bared hands were lightly touching her waist. "You think that my heart is frozen because I didn't want to kiss you in front of everyone?"

"You said it was stupid."

"Kissing you in front of everyone, where they could get pleasure out of our embarrassment, was stupid. Kissing you, just to kiss you, is absolutely not stupid." His hands reached around to hold her, just gently. Starfire immediately stopped her crying, actually she stopped breathing.

"W-what are you doing?"

He rested his chin on her shoulder. "I'm apologizing. I'm a guy Star, feelings, love, it scares me to death. Mostly because I know I'll screw it up...like I have."

"Would you have tried to remedy this if I had not said anything?"

He let out a hot breath against her neck. "Would I have been able let my best friend heal her broken heart alone? Would I have given up my only chance with the girl I love?"

She turned slowly in his arms to look at him.

"The only thing in my heart...is you, Star."

She let out a shaky breath and held onto his shoulders for support.

"In other words, I wanted to make our first kiss special, almost as perfect as it could be."

"I'd rather just have it happen. It doesn't need to be special."

"Would you prefer me to do something really lame and cheesy?"

"It would be the best Christmas present I have ever received."

With a smirk, he took up her arms and they started a simple waltz across the roof. Then, in a mock baritone voice, he started singing. "Be careful, it's my heart." He impersonated Bing Crosby. "It's not my watch you're holding, it's my heart. It's not the note that I sent you that you quickly burned. It's not the book I lent you that you'll never returned."

A giant smile came over her face as she fought to stay on the ground.

"Remember, it's my heart. The heart with which so willingly I part. It's yours to take, to keep or break...But please, before you start..." He got down on one knee, one hand on his chest, the other up in the air. "Be careful, it's my heart."

She pushed him over. "You are so full of it!"

He hopped up to his feet. "Lame as it may be, I mean every word!"

She smiled and hugged him. "I'm sure you do. And don't worry," she touched his chest. "I will take very good care of it." She emphasized each word with a pat.

"Well my dear, I'm very glad to hear it." He hugged her tightly.

"Can we kiss now?" She squeaked.

He just laughed. The rest...well, you know what happened.


	7. Bird's Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Driver

A late night and a drunk driver. That's all it took to make Robin cry. Three titans rode with Cyborg in the car, while two rode on Robin's motorcycle. The team was exhausted. All day, non stop, fighting happening all over the town. If one criminal was wreaking havoc, other one was doing something across town. It was somewhere around 11 o'clock at night. They were on their way back to the tower, specifically on the outskirts of town, when the incident happened. Cyborg pulled through the intersection first. There was no one else there, so Robin pulled through without stopping.

It came without warning. No lights, no horn, no screams. One second, he and Starfire were on the motorbike, the next, the bike was pulverized. The two had rolled across the intersection and down into a ditch. Robin came to first. He found his head in the crook of Starfire's neck. Her arms were firmly clasped around him. He sat up and she wilted into his lap.

"Star?" He blinked a few times and looked at her. A burning sensation ignited on his backside. "What the-..." Her leg was bent awkwardly, blood soaked her clothes, and bruises covered her skin. "Holy-!" He grabbed her up. "STARFIRE!"

"Robin!" Cyborg's voice came from the top of the ditch. "What in blue blazes happened?! One minute you were behind us, the next we heard an explosion and you guys were gone."

"I-I don't know...I think we were hit..." He lifted Starfire onto his back and crawled out.

"What happened to the princess?"

Robin pulled her around so that she laid against his chest. "She must have protected me...she looks awful..."

"Dude, your back's all bloody."

"I feel it, but our main concern right now is Starfire."

Raven joined the conversation. "You two take Starfire home. I'll gather the remains of your bike, Beast Boy will get dinner. You have enough to worry about."

"Thanks Raven." He briefly smiled, and headed to the car without another word. The other team members looked back in worry. If they lost Starfire...Not only would the team fall apart, but Robin would lose his grip on reality.

No matter how bad he wanted to, Cyborg would never use what he witnessed in the car as blackmail. Robin refused to let Starfire out of his grasp, and for a while, he looked straight forward, emotionless. Without warning, he choked a few times and then let out a painful moan as he gripped her hair. Tears seeped through his mask as he fiercely kissed her.

"I'm sorry...it was my fault..." He whispered to her.

Cyborg gripped his shoulder. "It's called an accident."

Robin waited in the lobby, pacing back an forth. He wanted to be in there, he wanted to make sure she was getting the best treatment. But when Cyborg declared that she needed to go to the hospital, Robin knew they would help her more then he could.

"Would you sit down? It's going to be fine!" Beast Boy shouted, shaking his veggie wrap.

"How do you know?! Huh?!"

"Simple. This is the same girl that crash landed into our planet from space and came out without a scratch. She'll be fine."

"You don't understand! It's my fault she got hurt! I wasn't paying attention!" He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Robin, she saved your life. Regardless of who did what, you need to be thankful, not regretful!" Raven scolded.

Robin stopped his pacing. The other people in the waiting room slowly turned away, deciding it was best to mind their own business. The leader collapsed in a chair, biting his thumb. "I won't be grateful until I know she's alright."

A few hours later, the team could relax. They had faith in Robin's sound sanity, and the prospect of a healthy relationship between the two hopeless romantics. Why? Because they had come to say goodnight to Starfire for the night, when they made a curious discovery. Robin lay next to her, Starfire's head resting on his chest, her arms draped around his neck. His, around her waist. Smiles were on both faces, despite the tear drops hanging on Robin's eyelashes.


	8. As Seen on TV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Advertisment

Beast Boy stomped angrily into Robin's office and grabbed him by the cape, pulling him out of the room in his wheelie chair.

"Ack! Beast Boy! What's the big idea?!"

"The big idea?! Well, I'll tell you! You said that we aren't allowed to be in advertisements! You said that television gives heroes a bad rep!"

"It does, and I will not take it back."

"Then how do you explain this?!" Beast Boy pointed menacingly at the television, where a caped crusader stood, speaking in his normal dark tones.

"I am a man on the go. I will just say I spend my nights on top of buildings prowling the streets of my crime ridden home town. I sometimes get in scuffles with psychopaths and need a pick me up afterward. Bananas have always been my number one fruit. They supply the appropriate amount of potassium I need to defeat evil-doers. I stay light weight on my stake outs and don't have a pocket to stick my beloved bananas in. So, I have gone with out for years. I have never been truly happy. Until...the Victorio Kitchen 571B Banana Slicer was released! I had my butler purchase one for me and I can't remember a time when I was more happy. Each slice fits perfectly into my utility belt. So whenever I'm hanging above a vat of acid thinking of an escape plan or growling at a middle man to give me the name of his boss, I can enjoy a quick bite of banana bliss. So to any chaos causing clowns, fear flinging fiends or Bane, beware the Bat is now powered with the proper amount if vitamins needed to take you down. Thank you Victorio, you are not the banana slicer I deserved, but the banana slicer I needed."

Robin gawked at his mentor on the screen. It made no sense. Bruce had no need to make money through advertising. Bruce Wayne surely could have been a good enough spokesperson. Maybe he owed somebody, or maybe he was bored.

"See! What do you call that?"

"He always was a terrible actor." Robin simpered.

"Friend Robin! I have gone out and purchased the Victorio Kitchen 571B Banana Slicer, as sponsored by your mentor!" Starfire floated into the room, giddy as a jackrabbit on the Fourth of July in a hay barrel.

"Fine! We can do commercials! Just...don't do anything stupid!"

Beast Boy and Cyborg high-fived each other and prepared to call up the Batman, with an extensive thanks for the fake commercial.


	9. Of Carrots and Pregnancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allergies and whoopsies

Robin hated carrots. No, he loathed them, he despised them! He held hatred with a white hot intensity of a thousand suns for them. He was allergic to them. They made his stomach do flips and his intestines tie into knots. Just the thought of them made him want to spew.

At the moment, Robin was sick. He had all the symptoms aforementioned, sans carrots. He had not eaten carrots in years and made it a point to ban them from the tower. The team knew he hated them, but they didn't know he was allergic to them. Needless to say, his current sickness was not caused by a rough carrot stampeding through his food.

What could it be then? He had this grueling pain in his stomach for days. And had thrown up on more then one occasion. At first he thought it could just be a stomach bug, but it lasted too long for that. Same thing with food poisoning. He was concerned and so he told Cyborg about it.

"I don't know what it could be, but if you want, I could give you a check up and see if anything's amiss."

"Great, I just want this thing, whatever it is, to go away."

"No prob, Rob. I'll get a small blood sample, and I'll need you to fill up this cup."

The boy sighed, taking the container and heading to the bathroom.

Cyborg snickered.

A few hours passed and Robin was laying on his stomach in his room. Starfire came in and rested a hand on his back.

"Boyfriend Robin? Is there anything I can do to ease your pain?"

He mumbled through his pillow. "No..."

She ran her hand up and down his back. "Does that help?"

"A little."

She smiled.

Cyborg came in, followed by Beast Boy. "Well, man. I got your results back."

Robin sat up and looked at his friends. "Well, what is it?"

"I don't know how to tell you this...Robin, you're pregnant."

"Ha, right. Now really, what is it?"

"I'm serious." He said gravely. "You're preggers."

"Pregnant? No way, I'm still a virgin! That doesn't..." He paused. "I'M A DUDE! I CAN'T GET PREGNANT!"

"I believe I understand." Starfire cut in. "Do you remember the kiss you had given me a few nights ago? The one where I became overwhelmed and bit you, causing you to bleed?"

"Yes." He brought his hand up to his mouth. It still hurt.

"Well, I did not know if it would work quite the same, but on Tamaran, the male carries the child. When a couple wishes to reproduce, the male will cut the inside of his cheek. During a kiss, the female's saliva, which holds the eggs, will come in contact with the cut and travel through the blood stream until it reaches the spot of fertilization."

"Well, that's disgusting." Beast Boy droned.

Robin looked to her in horror. "That would have been nice to know sooner! Thank you!"

"I did not realize how similar the two male's anatomy was."

"So you're telling me that I'm going to push a twenty inch, seven pound infant through a straw?!" The thought made his voice crack.

"Oh no, infant Tamaranians are only a pound and may be up to five inches."

"But-b-but...I don't nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!"

"It is alright Robin, we are here for you."

"Thanks...but..." A torrent of bad thoughts washed over him. "What about the media? What if they found out about this? What if Slade and the other criminals find out?! The baby could become a target!" Then his eyes widened as he grabbed his girlfriend in pure terror. "What am I going to tell Batman?!"

"Please relax Robin, all this stress is bad for the baby."

He looked sternly at his teammates. "This stays a secret. Not a word to any of the other titans, nor to anyone else! After it's born, we say that it's Starfire's niece or nephew and it was nowhere else to go. Capisce?"

"Capisce!" They all agreed.

"What are we going to name it?"

"Who's going to raise it?"

"What about Raven?"

"Shut up! Okay? There's plenty of time to figure this stuff out. Starfire, what's the length of Tamaranian pregnancy?"

"Two months."

"Oh man..." He fell back on his bed in contempt. "I can't do it..." His voice was soft. "This child's going to be seriously messed up."

"Come along friends," Starfire stated, standing up. "Let us leave him alone, I believe he needs to think about some things."

The other two nodded and followed her out the door. They waited until they reached the common room before bursting into laughter.

Raven merely raised her eyebrow, not wanting to get involved with her friends antics.

That night, Robin tossed and turned as visions of horrific nightmares jumbled in his head.

_He wore a pink apron as he held a tiny child in one hand and stirred something on the stove with the other. A tiny hand grasped his pant leg._

_"Mommy? I hungy, when dinner?"_

_"I'm almost done making it!"_

_"Mmmooommm!" A voice called from upstairs. "Bruce pulled my hair!"_

_"Mar'i won't leave me alone!"_

_"Both of you be quiet and work on your homework! Just wait until your father gets home!"_

_The baby in his grasp started wailing._

_"Oh! Hush, it's okay!" He coddled it. "Mommy's here!"_

_The door slammed open and in waltz a grumpy Tamaranian._

_"Oh darling! You're home!"_

_"Yes, I am!" Starfire bit back. She grabbed a beer from the fridge and went into the living room, turning on the television._

_"What's wrong with us dear?" He asked earnestly. "We barely see each other...you don't even love me, do you?!"_

_"Love you?! Ha! You should be honored that I married you!"_

_"Well, that's unfortunate!"_

_"Why?!"_

_"Because number five is on the way!"_

Robin woke up screaming.

The next day, Robin arose slowly. He had bags underneath his mask, and his hair looked like chaos. He cared little, and went into the common room. There, the rest of the titans looked at him in interest.

"Hey Robby! Sleep well?"

"No."

"Baby keeping you up?"

He grunted.

Raven was surprised by the statement Cyborg had made, and was now listening to figure out what was going on.

"Would the baby like some waffles?" Cyborg smirked.

"No, the baby wants an aspirin and a bottle of whiskey. Hard whiskey."

"But Robin!" Starfire shouted, appalled. "You could not drink even when you were not pregnant!"

"I know. But a man can wish, can't he?"

Raven slammed her book shut and walked out of the room. Robin pregnant? No way.

The alarm sounded. Robin smiled. Finally, something to take his mind of the situation.

"Titans! Go!" He shouted.

"NO!" They sprang and blocked the doorway.

"You're not serious..."

"We are completely serious!"

"Stay here and relax! We can take care of this!" And they left with out him.

He gave a great sigh and sauntered over to the couch. Oh well, If he was given an excuse to relax, then he would relax.

His stomach growled. "Hmm, still hungry. Well, let's see what we have." He riffled through the drawers of the fridge until he found a bag of orange sticks. He bit back a growl. "Carrots..."

When the team came home, he was waiting for them. He held a carrot in his hand. "Would any one of you like to tell me what this is?"

"It's a carrot." Beast Boy smirked.

"Very good, now, why is it in my tower?!"

Cyborg and Beast Boy burst out into laughter and fell onto the floor.

Starfire was smiling guiltily. "Please do not be angry boyfriend, but we wanted to play the joke on you, so we laced your food with carrots."

"I'm allergic to carrots!"

"Exactly!" Beast Boy choked from the floor.

"And another thing! I-..." Realization dawned on him, and he started twitching. "...am not really pregnant..."

"Psh! Of course not!" Cyborg laughed.

Robin stood fuming, and twitching.

"Robin?" Starfire asked, concerned. "I am sorry to have angered you. Tamaranian reproduction is the same for humans, if it makes you feel any better…"

He stormed over to the door, prepared to leave, but before he did, he turned, ready to deliver a real crusher. Instead, all he made out was, "Not a finga!"

Later that night, the team gathered around their leader's room to listen to his moaning before he shouted to the heavens, "What have I done to deserve this?!"


	10. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Temper Temper

"That's enough!" He shouted. Robin's face was full of anger, his cheeks red.

Cyborg and Beast Boy were silent.

"I've put up with these jokes long enough! That girl," he pointed to Starfire, "is not my girlfriend, she's not my anything! It's not funny, it's annoying and humiliating. Knock it off or...or I'll..." He paused as he thought of a meaningful threat. "I'll quit the Titans!"

The team gasped. The boys felt guilty. Raven felt awkward. Starfire was using every fiber of her being not to cry.

"I expect a written apology. You have until tomorrow. We have a training session tonight at 6, on the rooftop. Be there." He walked swiftly to the door. "I'll be in my office, bother me, and I'll make your life a living hell!" The door swished shut behind him.

The team looked at the spot he had just been moments before in utter shock. They had NEVER seen him that angry at them before. They knew he was a hot head, and had a nasty temper, but this was new.

Starfire wrapped her arms around herself and slid to her knees, sobbing.

"Aw, Star..." Cyborg sighed as he kneeled next to her, pulling her into a brotherly embrace.

"Dude, he's just pissed at us. You didn't do anything. It's okay." Beast Boy tried to sooth.

"I know...but...I love him so much...and he..." She choked on a sob.

"He's in denial." Raven corrected. "He loves you, I know he does. I've been inside his head. Starfire, he's afraid."

She wiped her eyes. "Afraid of what?"

"Look at it this way, he has been trained to stay secret, make his job his number one priority. He grew up thinking that romance was a hindrance. Everything that we've made him to be, the part of him that's a normal kid, he's not used to it."

Cyborg gave her a pat to the back. "You know how scary it is to come into contact with things you don't understand. How would you feel if you didn't have anyone to explain things to you?"

"Most terrible! I must go to him and talk to him about the things he is experiencing."

She moved to get up, but the other teammates grabbed her and forced her back down.

"I don't think that's the best idea..." Beast Boy simpered.

"But..."

"Look, if any of this is evidence, he's going to break soon." Raven added.

"Break?" Starfire asked, concerned.

"You'll see."

In Robin's room, the desk was overturned. Papers were scattered across the floor. For once, Robin's neat and orderly room was mass chaos. "Why? Why is it so hard to let go? Why can't I stop loving her?" He kneeled on the floor, panting. "When did I become so weak?"

Later that evening, the team met on the roof top. Beast Boy and Cyborg were doing push-ups with cement on their backs. Cyborg with a hundred pound weight and Beast Boy with twenty. Starfire zipped around the tower, gaining speed as Raven timed it. They were quiet as they worked, seeing Robin beating the shit out of a punching bag. He was angry; Raven was actually feeling sick because of it. His constant mumbling freaked them out.

Starfire decided to confront him, to ease him, and let everyone else have a breather. She took her chart from Raven and walked over to the leader.

"HYA!" He shouted as he shot out a punch. Starfire caught it with a breeze, smiling softly.

"May I steal your attention for a moment? I would like to discuss something with you."

A blush crept upon his face. He was surprise and impressed at how she had confidently made her request. Especially considering the way he had treated her earlier that morning. He felt like a schmell. He simply nodded to her request.

She smiled and handed him her folder. He took it and opened it with shaking hands. The other titans watched the pair carefully, preparing themselves if Robin were to lash out again. He didn't but he looked like he would break down at any second.

"It seems odd to me, my flight patterns were significantly messier and slower the last time we tracked them. Have I improved that much?"

Robin was quiet a good long while before he realized she asked a question. "Uh...s-sure."

"How else do you think I have changed?" She asked innocently, drawing so close that they were almost cheek to cheek as they looked over her file.

Robin couldn't take it, and dropped the folder on the floor.

"Robin?" She asked softly.

They he turned and made eye contact. Raven had to use Beast Boy shoulder as support from the tension between the two. They found each other growing closer and closer, until he finally snapped.

He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Listen you silly, stupid girl!" he yelled, scaring her. "I don't want this okay?! I want to be a hero! That's all I'm used to doing. I want my responsibility to be for the safety of the people! Not to friends or loved ones! I don't want to be reminded of the way I used to be! I don't want to be a normal kid!" With everything he said, he shook her for emphasis. She nodded in understanding as she trembled and cried.

"I don't want to act like a blubbering moron! I don't want friends that get into my heart and care too much! I don't want a best friend who can read me like a book! I don't want a girlfriend, or get married or whatever!" His voiced cracked. "And I don't want to fall in love!" As soon as he finally voiced his concern out loud, he realized he was too late to change things. "Damnit."

Robin crashed his lips to Starfire's. It was short, but intense. He came back and pressed them together again and again, muttering her name between each breath. He wasn't in control anymore, he just let desire take over. He found himself placing fierce kisses across her cheek and jaw. His cheek rubbed against hers as he nuzzled her neck.

The rest of the titans stood awkwardly off to the side, watching them.

"Dude, I'm glad I wasn't the one who approached him." Beast Boy said seriously. Raven smacked his head.

Robin had finally reigned in his actions and moved his arms from their iron grip on her shoulders, to a soft embrace around the waist. It was all over.

He panted heavily on her shoulder. Starfire was smiling tenderly, her eyes closed, and her arms around his neck. She understood.

"I don't want it, Star." He croaked. "I don't think I can handle it. But...I need it. I need you guys, I need to feel loved, I need to be normal every once in a while. I just..." He couldn't finish.

"Hush, it is alright. I understand, we all understand." She gestured to the rest of the team. "We are a team and support each other in battle, but we can also support each other in our every day lives. You do not have to go through this alone, yes?"

He looked to his friends, who all spared a smile for him. "Thank you...all of you. For putting up with my impatience, and my secretive ways. I'm sorry for yelling at you, and Star..." He turned to her. "I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I'll try my best not to do it again." He simpered.

"So are we all just going to stand around here staring at each other, or are we going to hug?" Raven asked, clearly peeved at the idea.

"One more thing." Robin added. He brought his hand up and everyone gasped as he ripped off his mask. Immediately, his appearance seemed brighter, friendlier.

"Richard Grayson." He bowed. "Nice to meet you."

"Man, I just love happy endings!" Cyborg squealed as he pulled the team into a group hug.

For once in a long time, Robin let his guard down. Never to regret it later.


	11. Mamma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blast from the Past

It was you average day in titan's tower. Beast Boy and Cyborg were yelling at each other as they bashed each others virtual butt. Raven was reading. Starfire was cooking some sort of concoction, no doubt planning on making someone eat it. Robin was being aloof, AKA doing paperwork in his office.

"No! I'm done! I can't play against you anymore!" Beast Boy whined.

"Cause I keep beating you?"

Beast Boy grumbled. "Yeah..."

Raven was relieved at Beast Boy's voice of surrender. "Why don't you two do something productive? Like getting the mail."

"I'll race you!" Beast Boy shouted leaping from the couch.

"Hey! No fair!"

"All's fair in love and war!"

"This isn't love or war!"

"Whatever!"

They fought to pass each other on the multiple levels of the never ending staircase.

"You want to pass me, but you can't...you can't pass me...you passed me!"

After a couple minutes of tumbling, the two landed in the lobby. "Okay, we'll call it a tie."

"Deal."

They opened the door where the mail sat in the bucket. They didn't have a mailbox, because they didn't make them big enough. This way they could carry it upstairs and dump it on the counter. However, today was a low day.

"Junk, junk, junk, jury duty, pink slip, junk, blackmail, junk, junk, chain letter..."

Beast Boy turned into a goat and started chomping on the paper.

"Oh! A package!" Cyborg lifted the small item. "I didn't order anything, did you?"

The goat boy shook his head before morphing back. "Maybe it's some of Raven's special herbs."

"No, she goes out and gets them herself...it's addressed to Richard Grayson."

"Huh? I don't recognize that name. Is it the right address?"

"Do you know of any other 'titan's tower' in Jump City, California?"

"True...who's it from?"

"It says, 'Grandpa Hailey."

"Hmm...it's not my real name."

"It's not mine either...do you know Robin's name?"

The two looked at each other mischievously.

"We should open it."

"No no, that would be an invasion of privacy." Cyborg countered.

"Come on dude! This is our chance to finally find out more about the guy!"

"No. I don't want to wake up one morning with my body scattered across the room."

"I wonder what it could be..." He snatched the package away. "It's light, doesn't shake much."

"Give that back!" He grabbed the other end.

Rip.

"Oh shoot."

The contents were revealed. "A video tape?"

"Well, that's not all that exciting."

"Do we have a VHS?"

"I'll get it hooked up if you get the sacks."

"Dude! This is going to be so awesome!"

Inside, Cyborg dug out the old VHS player and started fiddling with the cords.

"Cyborg, what is it that you are doing?"

"Hooking up a tape player, we're watchin' a movie."

"What kind of movie? The 'romcom'? Or maybe a documentary?"

"Honesty, we don't know."

The alien looked puzzled. "How do you not know?"

"Um..." Beast Boy interjected. "We just sort of...found it."

Raven looked up from her book. "What if it's a trap set by a villain?"

"Oh it's not. Trust us."

The screen turned blue and a 'play' label came up. "Star, go get Robin, we'll wait."

Starfire happily bounded out of the room for her friend.

"Dude, you think that's a good idea?"

"Well, it's for him, it wouldn't be fair."

Beast Boy grumbled.

In Robin's room, Starfire had grabbed his arms and was pulling him to the door. "Come along! We have a mystery video that we will partake in!"

"I didn't think anybody liked mysteries..."

"No no, it is a mystery what is on the tape!"

"Oh, I see. Well, I can take a break, I guess."

She stopped trying to rip his arm off and happily floated next to him as they made their way to the Ops room.

They entered. "Alright Cy, what do we have?"

"Absolutely no clue!" He said happily. "But it will be extremely interesting."

Robin narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. The lights went down, the teens piled on the couch, and popcorn was consumed. Cyborg pressed play.

After a bit of static and lines, a title popped up. "Mother's day 1998."

A large man in a red shirt and black tailcoat stood in the middle of a stadium. He lifted his top hat to the crowd. The shot was from below, like the camera man was in the ring. "...ladies and gentleman, we thank you for spending this special day with us, and before our final act, we have a once in a lifetime experience for you. From our family to yours, a song."

The camera turned to a young boy in a yellow and red leotard and green tights. He had black hair and bright blue eyes. A man sat next to him with a guitar, wearing a similar uniform.

The man from earlier came over and held the microphone in front of the boy. "Tell the audience your name, son."

"Richard Grayson!" The boy chirped.

"And how old are you?"

"Seven yewrs od."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"An acobat like my mama and papa!" He smiled. Despite his childish voice, he seemed to have a bit of an accent.

The crowd laughed.

"Now what song will you be singing for us?"

"It called Mamma. It Romani."

"Alright then, we'll leave you to it." The man smiled, handing off the mic.

The boy nodded to his father, the guitar player. The notes came forth from the strings like bells. Just a simple pluck of each. Richard smiled at the crowd, showing no evidence of nervousness. He closed his eyes and the voice of innocence began. It was soft and tender, and full of love. The words were lost, unrecognizable in the foreign tongue. But maybe without the meaning, it was even more beautiful.

Beast Boy and Cyborg stared at the screen in amazement. Was this Robin as a child? Could he have ever been that happy? So alive?

The boy had reached the climax of the song. His eyes opened as his lips danced with the word "Mama." Tears sparkled in his eyes as they did in the rest of the titans. He finished with a whisper, almost a promise.

The crowd went crazy. Richard's smile turned huge as he looked out among his fans. But the real tear jerker came when his mother ran out to him and picked him in her embrace. The words, "I love you." Could be seen spilling out of his mouth, before she kissed him.

The screen went blue.

Slowly the two teens looked to their leader, suddenly feeling like they deserved whatever punishment he would deal out.

Instead, they found fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he sat frozen in his spot. He sniffed a few times and swallowed hard.

Beast Boy tried to act like he didn't know it was him on the tape. "That kid's got an awesome voice! Too bad we couldn't know what he was saying..."

Robin choked. "Mama, I'm so happy." He translated. "Because I'm here with you. My song tells you, it's my favorite day. Mama, I'm so happy." He stopped a moment as his voice became gravelly. "Why must we be apart? Mama, only for you will I sing. Mama, you will always be with me, I will never be alone. How I love you! These words of love are always in my heart. May I repeat them again and again. Mama, you are the most beautiful song. You gave me life..."

He bowed his head as the tears freely fell, his heart wrenching in pain of horrible irony. "...and may life never take you away from me. Mama, never leave me again."

The room was silent, the only sound coming from Robin who wept in his hands.

The boys really felt guilty now. "Man, we didn't know...I mean..." He couldn't come out with an excuse.

Starfire had slid over and was soothing the young man as he sobbed. He asked, "Where did you find it?"

"It came in the mail, for Richard Grayson."

"Dude, we didn't mean to make you so upset. I mean, we guessed that Richard was your real name, since it's not ours...we were just kind of curious."

"She died." Robin replied. "That beautiful woman fell to her death, and I couldn't save her. She used to call me 'Robin' because my birthday is March 20, and because my costume made me look like a bird." He took off his mask to wipe his eyes, but kept his face hidden. "I always hated it. I thought it was stupid and lame...but after they died, that was my way of honoring them."

Starfire wrapped her arms around him in a caring embrace. "We are so very sorry you had to bring up this tragedy once again."

"No," he said, finally reigning control over his emotions and replacing his mask. "I would have seen this anyways." He smiled at his team. "I'm glad I could watch it with you guys. I don't feel so lonely."

"Aw dude! Don't! you're going to make us cry!"

Cyborg was already blubbering.

"Um...yeah. Glad we could help you out Robin." Raven droned.

"And you shall always have us when you get the feelings of loneliness. We love you Robin."

"I love you guys too, besides, you're my family now."

A long pleasant silence stretched over the group.

"Figures you would sing like a bird."

"Beast Boy, we're having a moment. Don't."

He did anyways.


	12. All's Fair in Love and War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A battle royal

It started when Red X showed up at the door with flowers. It got worse when Speedy and Mas y Menos came with chocolates. But Robin's irritation had peeked when Control Freak and some other villains came, guitars in hand, ready to serenade. The young leader was prepared to lock Starfire up in the tower to keep these jokers out.

They didn't have a chance with her.

But did he have a chance either?

Either way, she was his best friend, and vice versa. He didn't approve of any of these clowns. So he came up with a fool proof plan.

The rivals met outside the tower at the designated period Robin had set. Starfire sat on a rock that was above the competitors, flattered that she had so many admirers. Raven leaned against the rock, writing a list of questions to be asked later. Beast Boy and Cyborg had chairs and popcorn.

This was going to be good.

Robin stood in front of Starfire, his arms crossed, his head fuming. "Since you all think you are worthy of asking out our brazen beauty..." He gestured to Star who giggled. "We're going to have a little competition."

The competitors looked at each other.

"First off, we'll have a mini quiz. Then the main event. Raven?"

The empath came forward, her hood over her head, her eyes narrowed. "You'll be asked a series of questions all about Starfire. Everyone will get a chance to answer. Ready? Question one. What is her favorite color?"

"Purple."

"Pink"

"Green?"

"Silver?"

Each guess was incorrect.

"Robin?" Raven asked.

He smirked. "Orange."

"Correct." The alien chirped.

"Next question. What is her favorite drink?"

Another round of incorrect questions.

"Mustard." The traffic light teen answered.

"Correct."

As the game progressed, the others were beginning to loose hope and gain frustration for the spiky headed kid. Robin, on the other hand, was taking pride in his vast knowledge of his friend. "Zorka berries, gorga pipes, blorthog, Koriand'r, two: Blackfire and Wildfire, green, no belly button, happiness, thunder storms and the Gordanians, the world of fungus, 5"6, cilantro, Silkie, Metallic Chromium, black silk with lace, Hi Hi Puffy Amy Yumi, nine."

The contestants were floored. They thought they knew her, but they were sadly mistaken.

"Final question. How long is Starfire's tongue?"

A massive pause broke out in the crowd.

"Can you repeat the question?" Red X asked, sheepishly.

"Sure, Star's tongue, how long is it?"

The other rivals were baffled. How long was the average tongue anyway?

"Um, we collectively guess five inches." Control Freak answered.

"That is the incorrect answer." Star spoke primly.

"Robin, do you know the answer?"

He stood proud and smug. "3 feet, 2 inches."

"What! No way!" Speedy shouted.

"Oh! Yes way! See?" Starfire shot her tongue out and hit Robin in the ear. He jumped and shivered.

"I told you not to do that anymore!"

She giggled in response.

"It's obvious who won the questioning part of the challenge. So onto the main event." Raven concluded, crumbling her paper.

Robin addressed the group, extending his bow staff and twirling it around a few times before sticking it into the ground. "Starfire is from Tamaran, a warrior culture, and I asked Starfire what the courtship ritual is, and I find it extremely pleasing. You must challenge her knorf'ka, or guardian to a fight. Then afterwards, she will decide if she still chooses you."

"So who do we fight?" Someone shouted.

Starfire answered. "My knorf'ka, Galfore, is on Tamaran, and will not be able to come. But you may fight my Earthen guardian. Robin."

"Dude, you're crazy." Speedy scoffed.

"I'm not crazy." He answered, his eyes narrowing.

"Whatever you say, Black!" Beast Boy shouted from the sidelines.

Robin groaned. "Look, this is how it's going to work. Each of you will go up against me, one on one. Then after, Starfire will pick her choice. Simple, right?"

The others slowly nodded and agreed.

Robin smirked. He was just looking for an excuse to wail on them for flirting with Star. He had been working out after all. He was going to dominate.

Or not. Four hours later, the fights concluded. Robin used his bow staff as support. His nose bled, his eye was swollen, his clothes were torn and he was battered and bruised. "A-anybody else?!" He shouted with a shaky breath.

There was silence.

"Fine!" He collapsed on the ground. "Star, pick the friggin' winner!"

The others were not so badly beaten, some were more then others. Mas y Menos were practically unscathed, since they had ran back and forth tripping him. Speedy was a little scratched up. Control Freak was lucky he wasn't dead. Starfire walked among the competitors, examining them. Sometimes she would tilt their head or touch their arm. Each time she did so, they would blush a deep red.

And she found it entertaining.

"I have found my champion!" She concluded. Everyone waited in anticipation, but it slowly turned to disappointment as she took a seat next to the exhausted Robin. "The victor is my best friend, and it can be no one else." She smiled.

"Man! What a rip off!"

Cyborg and Beast Boy cheered and clapped, already knowing how this would turn out.

"It was rigged, let's get out of here."

"So much for fighting to prove ourselves."

The others stormed off the island in a huff. Beast Boy and Cyborg making farting noises and blowing raspberries at them as they left.

Starfire lifted Robin's head and placed it on her lap.

"You really choose me? Over everybody else?" He was baffled, because it was very obvious that he lost.

"Yes. You know everything about me, and you are my dearest friend. But what really made me decide it was you, was when I realized that you weren't just fighting for me; you put your life on the line. You have no powers, no special tricks, just raw natural human talent. And look at you! Robin, your determination is one of the things I love about you."

He turned white, and then red. "L-love?!"

She smiled at him, leaned down, and pressed her lips to his. "Yes."

"Well...then...I...I love you too."

"Dudes! Get a room! You're sicking us out!"

Star smiled. "How about the medical room? You are in a most fragile condition."

"Okay..."

She lifted him up bridal style.

"No! Wait! Put me down, I can walk!"

"I do not believe I  _wish to_  put you down!"

"You little-...!" The rest of the conversation was cut off as Starfire sped away, boy wonder in her arms.

"Never a dull moment, eh Raven?"

"Shut up."


	13. Batspank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crack shot

Four teenagers sat on the couch. Raven read, Cyborg and Robin versed each other in a game of Mega Monkeys 4. Starfire sat next to Robin, silently cheering him on.

But where was the grass stain? He had been elusive. The team had seen flashes of green, but nothing else of their friend. He was up to something.

As the two boys played, Starfire sat Indian style happily bouncing her head back and forth. She had pulled her hair up into a bun that morning, just for a change of pace. Robin was having a hard time not admiring her neck.

She felt something tease the back of her neck. She touched back and figured it was just her hair. Then it touched her again, harder. She slowly turned around to come face to face with a huge, ugly, green spider. She let out a shriek and sent it careening across the room. Beast Boy shifted into a turtle before he hit the wall.

Starfire had her legs wrapped around Robin's torso; her hands clutched his head for dear life. She shook.

"Dude! I got you so good! That was awesome!" He laughed heartily and kicked his legs in the air.

Robin detached himself from the frazzled alien. "Beast Boy, that was mean."

"But hilarious!"

"Were you ever spanked as a child?" Raven asked, raising a eyebrow.

His laughter calmed. "Of course I was, even in the Doom Patrol. What about you?"

She blushed. "The monks of Azarath do not spank. Besides, I was a perfect child."

Cyborg laughed. "Psh! Not me! One time I got whooped during church! I was a bad egg!"

Starfire had visibly recovered, since the spider had only been Beast Boy. "What is 'spanking'?"

"This!" Cyborg grabbed Robin and gave him a firm swat to the behind.

Robin yelped in pain.

"And what it the purpose of this?"

Robin sat back down, tenderly. "Usually discipline. Parents cause pain to their child when they're bad as a way to get them to stop. The butt is mostly fat, so it's like the least painful place to get hit." He rubbed the spot Cyborg hit him. "Unless your attacker is unusually strong and has metal hands."

Cyborg smiled in pride.

"Oh, we have no such thing on Tamaran. We were tickled instead."

The team looked bewildered. "Tickled?"

"It is fun at first, but then you cannot breathe and you want them to stop, but they do not. It is most torturous."

"Still better then a spanking."

"How about you Rob? How did Batman punish you?"

Robin paled. "I was spanked once. My usual form of punishment was being punched or slapped...he threw me off a building once too..." He cleared his throat.

"Bat Spank!" Beast Boy and Cyborg laughed.

"No, he wasn't the one who spanked me."

"Your real parents then?"

"Oh, my real dad whooped me good. But no, when I was Batman's sidekick. See, there was this time I decided I didn't want to work with Batman anymore, and I ran away in the middle of the night and found Commissioner Gordon. I told him I was sick of playing the role of distracter/punching bag and I wanted to see if I could do something else, like as a part of the police force. But, since Batman is my legal guardian, Gordon called him up and made me go home. Boy, was he pissed! I thought he was going to revoke my bathroom privileges, or ground me from everything, or lock me in the basement, something like that. But this was sooo much worse.

"I remember the phone call. Bats had tied me to a chair, and was relaying the story over the phone. I'm pretty sure he could hear me crying in the background."

"Who?"

"Superman." He smirked. "He knocked at the door, very ominously, and stalked over to me. It still scares me! He put me over his leg, and delivered one firm swat."

"Just one?"

"Just one."

"Why?"

"He shattered my pelvis."

The rest of the team gaped at him.

"Six weeks in the ICU, three months of the stupid butt weenie, a year of sitting down carefully. Never pulled a stunt like that again."

Beast Boy broke out into laughter. "That's so terrible! But why is it so funny?!"

"'Cause you enjoy seeing me in pain."

"That's it, next time you're too harsh, I'm telling batman."

Robin frowned. "Batman doesn't like tattletales."


	14. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X

B. Tap. H. Tap. P. Tap. X. Tap.

Shoot.

Y. Tap. M. Tap. X. Tap

Shoot.

Robin had been at this for two hours. After the incident with Slade's mask, Starfire took the liberty of informing the young leader's guardian. The man was concerned, needless to say. Now, Robin was taking a test that the bat had sent.

The instructions were easy. Letters would flash on the screen. He was to simply tap the space bar at every letter, except for X.

So far, he'd gotten every one wrong.

R. Tap. Z. Tap. L. Tap...X. Tap. Crap.

He sighed as the message to indicate the end of the test. He emailed the results to Bruce and then closed off the program.

X. The letter of failure. The letter that was a constant reminder of his failure, his betrayal to his friends, his team, his family. It was a mistake. And it didn't work as planned.

Red X.

"Why oh why did I dawn that stupid suit?!" He berated himself. Now some psychopath had possession of the suit, and enough xenothium to power it for life. He sighed as he rose from his chair. Maybe he should just put all of this out of his mind.

If only it was that easy. Red X was the beginning of this whole mess. The beginning of his streak of failures to catch a manic. Theft, lying, betrayal. It was all there.  
A great big 'X' on his perfect file.

The teen couldn't stand being alone with his thoughts anymore. Seeking company, he went to the common room to find his friends. Raven was sitting cross-legged, reading a thick tome on the couch. Beast Boy and Cyborg played some frivolous game on the TV. He would probably play winner. Starfire mixed a bowl of god knows what in a big bowl. She'd probably ask him to try it.

"Hello friend Robin! You are looking X-cellent today!"

He blinked. "Uh, right back at ya, Star..." He turned to the boys on the couch.

"How's the game?"

"X-tremely hard!"

"X-cept, I'm totally winning!"

Robin gulped. "What game?"

"The X games!"

The leader stuttered a bit before stepping back. This was too strange. It must have just been his mind playing tricks on him after that test. That's all.

"So...uh, Raven...how's the book?"

"X-ceptional. Such X-amples of poetry...X-cite me." She droned.

"You okay? You look X-hausted." Beast Boy eyed him.

"Do you need an X-amination?"

"No, I-I'm fine. Uh, any news? Sightings?"

"No X's on the monitor. Just think of it as an X-tra day to recover from the X-cruciating pain of the last few days."

"Yeah...cool...I think I need to...go."

The team looked at him in concern. "Well, you know where the X-it is."

Robin ran to his room as fast as possible. The door slid shut behind him and he leaned on it to catch his breath. The poor boy felt like he was suffocating. Maybe a good long day of drowning himself in work would fix it all. He stumbled over to his desk and sat down in the dim light.

He perused his files. Everything was the same. Theft, murder, violence, rape...crime. Every uncompleted file was marked with a X.

A hideously obnoxious X. The image was burned into his mind. It haunted him, cursed him. His own poison, fouled from his own creation. It was sickening, stifling! He gagged and swiped the files from the desk.

"Get out of my head!"

_I'm the thing that keeps you up at night...haunting the dark corners of your mind._

"Stop it!"

_You can't escape it. You'll never escape._

"Leave me alone..." He gripped his head as the nightmares echoed in his ears. "I am a failure..."

_You failed to save your parents. You failed when you tried to stop the joker. You failed leading a team. You failed being a hero._

"No!" He shouted, slamming his fists onto the table top. He looked up at the wall in front of him.

His achievement wall. Here hung articles of recognition of the team, their deeds. Awards and certificates were laced in between. He smiled. Robin wasn't a failure.

But Dick Grayson was. He stepped back and looked at the wall as a whole. The worthless words and praises melted together and became one. Among the grayscale plastered wall, one image blatantly called to him like a beacon.

A hideously obnoxious X.

The letter of failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> x


End file.
